Day 63 part deux

Day 63 part deux

Well doesn't everything always look better in the morning? Or maybe the theories about crying being a release are true.

I'm still irritated about the-ex-from-hell stealing my bed, but I'm realizing I WILL be the winner in the end. He doesn't get to keep me anymore.

The best thing for me is watching how my daughter acts. She plays, she laughs, she sings, she dances, and yes, she has tantrums (she's 4...if she was an angel I'd be worried). All this affects her in a derivative sort of way, but I know that if she was older she'd be much more directly affected.

She looks at me like I'm her rock. That's such an honor for me. Right now I feel more like a wet noodle, but I hope one day, when she looks for a guy (or girl...I don't judge) to date or whatever, she will look at what her mom has experienced and know she doesn't have to settle for a crappy relationship, and that she deserves to be treated well and respected. 

I'm still trying to figure out how to raise a strong, independent, considerate, open-minded, well-rounded, respectful, friendly, loyal child. I feel like I need to look at the laundry list and I need to be all those things. The best lesson for a daughter is to look at what her mother does and how her mother acts.

And, while I know she will always love her father and I hope he gets his crap together so he can have a healthy relationship with her, me not being with him is beneficial to her as well. She would've internalized an extremely skewed view of how her partner should treat her in a relationship. Her father may have loved me, but it wasn't a healthy or respectful love. It was a possessive and demeaning love (if that even exists).

Ultimately, the best way for a father to love and nurture his daughter is to love and respect her mother.

So I do feel a little victorious today. Even if my ex got a better night's sleep than I did, thanks to my beautiful memory foam mattress that he stole. Asshole.